Some of you will have seen a spate of angsty Instagram posts lately.
An issue that I get particularly worked up about is girls who are in relationships giving up their desires to travel for that relationship. I believe that if any relationship demands that you choose between two of the things you want most in the world, then that is a pretty big red flag.
This little word ‘compromise’ comes to mind…maybe you are familiar with it?
I am not saying to hell with your partner’s wishes, just go! I am saying that the sort of relationship that is worth being in, is the sort that makes you happy in every aspect of your life, not just within the little love bubble the two of you reside in.
Our relationships are such a significant part of our lives and if you’re the sort of girl that wants to travel the world, getting the balance right in this part of your life will be something that you will inevitably have to tackle. I’m not saying it will be easy, but to be utterly clichéd… it’ll be worth it.
For a lot of us, the desire to travel can be outweighed by the fear of losing the person you love. This fear usually manifests in one heart-wrenching outcome. That your partner will cheat.
But here’s the thing – if they’re going to cheat if you’re away, they’ll cheat if you’re at home. If they’re that sort of person then your presence in the country/state/city will have no bearing on their choice. Furthermore, if they’re the sort to victim-blame and say that it wouldn’t have happened if you were at home, well, to put it bluntly… run.
There is no partner in the world worth giving up your dreams for. Maybe you’re so consumed by love that you cannot bear to go unless they are there by your side. But sometimes you need to look past these overwhelming feelings and think logically. Will you resent this partner if you say no to every travel opportunity and miss out again and again? Surely the likelihood of you answering this question with ‘no’ has got to be low.
At some point you have to put your fears aside. If you worry that your partner will cheat on you if you’re overseas, chances are those same thoughts creep into your mind when you are also at home. This means that the issue isn’t that you want to travel and they don’t, the issue is that you don’t trust them. The next question you need to ask yourself is whether they have ever done anything to deserve this distrust? If yes… perhaps consider running (to the airport).
And if you are sitting here shaking your head thinking ‘but I do trust them’ then open a new tab and start checking out flights, and let excitement overtake your anxiety. Embrace the fear of long-distance (which all of us relationship girls face it at some stage) and let it make your relationship stronger. Communication will help you overcome the hurdles that distance creates. Trust me.
Being in separate places for a time is something you can manage. What cannot be managed is the regret that you will feel for the rest of your life if you constantly stop yourself from following your dreams. You will get to 60 and what stories will you have to tell? Oh, that summer where you stayed at home and resented your partner because you wanted to be in Greece? That’s what we all aim to reminisce about whilst on our porches watching the grandkids yeah?
Your needs are important. Your dreams are important. Your happiness is important. These things should not take a back-seat because you are in a relationship. In fact, any good partner will nurture them and get excited about your trip for you, they will be involved in the planning, they will inundate you with questions, even if they aren’t coming.
I could even go as far as saying that it is important to travel without your partner (despite the reactions you’ll get when you relay this decision to others), if only to remind yourself that you are a separate entity, and that you do exist independently of that other person.
So put yourself first and decide what you want most… a life of adventure or a life of missed opportunities?