Make up or break up? My partner doesn’t want me to travel!

posted in: Lifestyle, Travel | 0

Do you find that your love of travel and your partner’s love of home puts you two at odds?

There is an elephant in the room, and as much as you wish it were because you were in Africa, it is not. It is that awkward, metaphorical elephant that never means anything good.

Sometimes we end up with a partner who does not love travel. That is all well and good if they are the sort of partner that supports your love for exploring. They help you look for flights and get excited for you when you find an amazing deal. They don’t always come with you and that’s okay, in fact, it’s sort of thrilling! All is well in relationship land…

Photo by @pauliibcn in Thailand!
Photo by @pauliibcn in Thailand!

But maybe your relationship feels like it is beginning to fall apart. That your love of travel is becoming a sore spot for your partner and they would rather you stay at home. “What about weekend trips?” they ask you, naively thinking that will be enough to satiate your appetite for adventure.

You feel an awful lump forming in your stomach. You’ve invested so much in this relationship. Not just your time, but your feelings and your love and vision for the future. You can’t picture it without them, but you can’t picture them by your side, backpack laden with souvenirs, happily exploring foreign lands.

@hayleyrosedean with her backpack - and her partner - at Machu Picchu!
@hayleyrosedean with her backpack – and her partner – at Machu Picchu!

This person, this person who is perfect in every way but one, doesn’t want to travel.

It’s like a little bit of your soul has been crushed.

Is this a deal-breaker? You ask yourself this, knowing the answer is yes before you have a chance to deny it.

You know that this will come down to a choice. The sort of choice that feels impossible to make, because you are choosing between two loves. Your love of this person, or your love of travel.

But look at it from a different perspective. If someone is asking you to give up travel for them, what they are really asking is for you to choose them over yourself. They are telling you that your happiness matters less than theirs and that they don’t value the thing that brings you the most joy.

So who you are going to pick? You or them?

Gorgeous whimsical shot by @stephbetravel of @travelbreak
Gorgeous whimsical shot by @stephbetravel of @travelbreak

The game of love is a tricky one. Feelings can cripple you. If you are unlucky enough to end up with a manipulator it is even harder to break free. It is harder to put yourself first and see the truth – that you deserve all the happiness in the world.

If the person you are currently with does not bring you that, perhaps it is time to re-evaluate.

It will be hard. It will perhaps be the hardest thing you have ever done. Putting yourself first is scary. Thinking that you might not find someone else is scary. But it is better to be alone and happy, than with someone who makes you unhappy.

I’m not trying to convince you to go out and break-up with your partner, I am merely telling you to put yourself first. Try to separate yourself from the idea that a relationship ended is a relationship failed. The feelings, the experiences, the moments – they were all real and special. The end of the relationship does not detract from these things.

But sometimes a relationship should end. It has run its course. People outgrow one another, people change and people discover they want different things than they did when they entered the relationship.

And that is okay.

@bridgesandballoons used the perfect quote from Tolkien "Not all who wander are lost..."
@bridgesandballoons used the perfect quote from Tolkien “Not all who wander are lost…”

Remind yourself – this wasn’t all for nothing. This was a learning experience… one where you discovered that you are important, your happiness is more important and giving it up is out of the question.

If you’ve ever struggled with this, share it with our beautiful community of female travellers (many of which have also gone through this) in the comments below or find us on Instagram.



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